Texting is great, until you need to have a real conversation face-to-face and you can’t google search ‘witty reply’…

There are a lot of things I don’t understand (although I would never really openly admit that). And given the right situation (and by situation I mean alcohol and boredom) I can convince a total stranger that I’m an expert at rocket science. But what I will never really understand is how dependent the dating world has become on impersonal forms of communication. WHY, if you are a 29 year-old successful businessman do you need to use text message to ask me out? Is it laziness? Is it easier to keep track of which girl you said what to if it’s stored in your phone? Lack of confidence? Fear of rejection? Unlimited texting and you want to take full advantage of your plan? WHAT IS IT???

I’ve said it before, but it still always stumps me, if you’re trying to make a connection with someone, whether it be to start dating, start a relationship, or to have a one night stand, why would you use such and impersonal mode of communication? And don’t even get me started on people that use Facebook to ask someone on a date. If you’re using Facebook I can only assume you don’t have that person’s phone number and I can definitely assume there’s probably a good reason why.

So here we are, totally dependent on our phones, used to having 3-5 minutes to think of a smart and witty text to reply with [that we’ve run past at least two of our friends to make sure it’s perfect]. And then suddenly it’s the date and you’re face to face with this person, lost for conversation and you’re totally f—-d. All of a sudden he doesn’t seem as charming, and you don’t know what to say when he brings up a Wes Anderson movie because you don’t have the 4 minutes you need to Google it and pretend you know what he’s talking about. Then the date goes horribly and you don’t hear from him again.

Most of our bad dates and mismatches could be avoided if we actually took 10 minutes to talk to this person before having dinner with them, because if all he talks about is hockey, alpacas and his mother, well you know what to expect on the date then (but if he’s seriously talking about alpacas, keep the date and ask for a sweater).

All I ask is that we try to start making an effort to actually communicate in a slightly more meaningful way. Because really when you think about it, asking someone out over text message is the modern day equivalent of throwing a note in someone’s middle school locker and running away as fast as you can.

Opportunities that arise to meet men are the Fashion Gods showing you they care…

I love dating, and one of my favourite parts of the dating game is finding the new men to date. I’ve never really understood women who say they don’t know where to find men, they are literally everywhere. Sometimes if a girl is lucky she’ll have help singling out the successful guys in a crowd. For example; I was on the ferry home one night, minding my own business in the child-free lounge when a voice came over the speakers – “If there is a doctor on board could they please come to the Captain’s Office immediately.”
Now I know what you’re probably thinking – someone must have had a heart attack, or a child is very sick etc. Yes normal people think that way, but I’m an opportunist and if the ferry staff is nice enough to have all the doctors on board converge in one area, then the thought that comes to my mind is that it’s only right if I go to check and see if there is a cute, young, single doctor that shows up.

Very recently I was getting ready mid-morning and listening to the radio when they announced that lawyers would be giving out free legal advice in the City Square all day as part of some fundraiser/awareness thing they were doing. Again being an opportunist I saw this as a prime chance to see if there maybe was a young, cute, single lawyer volunteering at the event. So I threw on my trench coat and a pair of black stilettos and walked the few short blocks from my apartment to the City Square to see if it was worth my time.

And there he was – a cute, young lawyer. He was tall and fairly well built with light brown hair and great jaw line, now all I had to do was find out if he was single. Each lawyer had their own tent and it suddenly hit me… I had no problem that I needed legal advice for, but it was too late, I was already walking towards his tent and had made eye contact with him. Oh god, think…

“Hi, I’m Ryan.” He said, finishing his introduction with a perfect smile

“Becca” I said, extending my arm to shake his hand

“So what can I help you with today, Becca?”

“Um… well…I was thinking about making a will… you know, just in case. I would just hate to see my shoes and dresses go to someone who wouldn’t appreciate them… Do you think I need a lawyer or can I just use one of those kits they sell at Staples?”

It really did sound worse out loud than it did in my head. The look on his face showed some sign of amusement though.

“Well I suppose it never hurts to plan, but you are quite young to be worrying about something like this” he replied, then he followed that with a lot of legal talk that I nodded along to as if I was paying deep attention.

Once he finished giving me my legal advice I asked him about his law school and what he did for fun since he must be so busy with work all the time. After about ten minutes and my casual mention of being single he asked if I would want to go for drinks sometime. My answer was, of course, yes. Mission accomplished. The opportunities to meet new men are everywhere; you just have to be open to the possibilities and approach with no fear. Because really, what’s the worst that could happen?

I would tell a liar that their pants are on fire, but it’s much more fun to watch them burn…

Nick considered himself very smooth when it came to women, and I believe he thought he was much smarter than me since he was a few years older. Technically speaking he was a “cheap thrill” guy that I mistakenly put in the  category of “openly dateable” guy.
He was a habitual liar, and still is, I’m sure. I’m also sure he was used to dating very gullible women, which I am not.

I was just getting home from a coffee with a friend and Nick was supposed to come by so we could hang out for a bit. This is the first time I caught him outright lying. It was over text message, involved my friend Hanna and perfect timing;

Me – “Hey, I’m home now, so whenever you want to come over…”
Nick- “Cool, I’m just writing a paper at home, I’ll be maybe another half an hour”
Me – “Of course, take your time”

Hanna – “Hey, I’m at my friend Bill’s house and that guy Nick that you’re seeing is here”
Me – “Are you sure? He just told me he was writing a paper at home.”
Hanna – “Positive, he’s sitting beside me”
Me – “Excellent. I’ll have a funny story for you later. I’ll call you.”

Nick – “Almost done! Last Paragraph!”
Me – “Excellent”
Nick – “Ok, I’m just leaving my house; I’ll be there in about 15”
Me – “Can’t wait!”

When Nick got there I was very happy to see him, we sat on the couch and I made sure he sat at the end, against the arm of the couch. We chit chatted for a few minutes, then I said;

“I want you to know, I like you, and the only thing that’s really important to me is honesty. As long as you’re always honest with me, everything will be good.”

Without missing a beat he said;
“I agree, there’s nothing worse then lying, I would never do that. I could never lie.”

At this point he had made it too easy. So I smiled said “excellent” and gave him a kiss. I was sitting beside him, so I put both of my legs over his; effectively trapping him between the arm of the couch and myself.

“So” I said, “what was your paper on?”
“uuuhh, nothing important, it’s boring stuff” he replied.
“I’m interested.”
“Medical chemistry stuff” he said
“Ooo that is boring. I’m happy you were able to finish though.”
“Yeah, I wish I could have come over sooner”
“Me too.”
I gave him another kiss and then said;
“I know what I was going to tell you! Funniest thing; my friend Hanna, is friends with your friend Bill. I actually think you may know Hanna. You were sitting beside her tonight.”

He turned white as a ghost and he had no where to go. The only regret I have is not taking a picture of the look on his face with my phone. The thing that scares guys is when you keep a calm nonchalant attitude during a moment like this, they expect you to yell at them and get emotional. When you don’t they can’t read you and have no idea what’s going through your head (although I’m positive no one really wants to know what goes through my head). I told Nick that it would be wise if he left.

I didn’t care that he was at his friend’s house, but liars make me angry. And it really was an unbelievable amount of fun for me.

Let go of the branch, then we’ll talk…

A few years ago I was being heavily pursued by a man that had a girlfriend. He had been with his girlfriend for 3 years, she was beautiful, yet he kept asking me out. He would phone me at all the time just to talk, and I would ask him where his girlfriend was. Eventually I just stopped picking up his calls and he developed a healthy relationship with my answering machine. It went a little something like this;

“You’ve reached Becca; sorry I couldn’t answer your call (no I wasn’t), please leave a message.”
Beep
“Hey, it’s Sam, just wondering what you’re doing. Call me back.” (I’m avoiding you)
Beep
“Hey, I’m just going to get dinner, do you want to come? Call me back.” (nope)
Beep
“Hey, I’m at Earls if you want to come meet me.” (no chance)
Beep
“I’m just leaving Earls, wanted to let you know in case you were on your way down here, I’ll wait 10 more minutes just in case.” (please hold your breath)
Beep
“We must have missed each other, but give me a call, we can hang out tomorrow if you’re free.” (haha, oook. I’d rather take up with the homeless man that lives in the dumpster. I believe his name is Oscar)
Beep
THIS RECIPIENT’S VOICEMAIL INBOX IS FULL (thank god)

I couldn’t understand why he was turning borderline Fatal Attraction when he was the one that had a girlfriend. I was talking to my friend Nikki about it and she simply said that he’s a “monkey”. I asked her to please elaborate.
A “monkey” is someone who won’t get rid of their boyfriend or girlfriend, even though they don’t want to be with them anymore, that is until they’re sure they have another one lined up to take that persons place. Like a monkey won’t let go of one branch until he’s sure he has another branch in his other hand to swing to.
I’ve never had anything make more sense to me. After she said that I’ve noticed many other people who display this same behavior (not to the same stalkerish degree as Sam) but it’s definitely there.
So I have to ask; is it really that scary for some people to be alone? Is it worth staying with someone you’re no longer interested in just because it’s become comfortable? If I don’t have those feelings for someone anymore, staying with them is the last thing that I’m going to do.
And please, you tell me you’ll leave your girlfriend for me (that’s major disrespect to the girlfriend). What makes me think you won’t be telling another girl the same thing once we’re together?
Let go of the branch first and maybe then we’ll talk.

A Little Competition is Healthy…

I remember reading an article a couple of years ago that suggested you date 3 men at the same time. It said you should tell each of them about the other one, and sleep with none of them. The idea behind this was that by dating 3 guys, you learn quickly what you like and don’t like and you can pick the guy that suites you best.
I did manage to find 3 guys and I dated them all at the same time. Never Again. It was absolutely exhausting, took up all of my free time, and to top it off I got them confused. I forgot what guy I was talking to on the phone and started mentioning a date that he didn’t take me on. After this I decided dating 2 guys at the same time was my limit.

I did however discover a wonderful secret that I use even if I’m only dating one guy. Sense of competition = extra effort on his part. Around the 3rd date, I usually sit the guy down beside me (this is key), put on my most innocent face and have a talk with him. By now I have it memorized;
“I just wanted to let you know, because I want to be totally honest, and it’s not a big deal, but I am seeing someone else as well. I started seeing him around the same time I started seeing you. Obviously it’s not serious, and I’m not sleeping with either of you. But I just thought you should know.”
Here is where his ego takes over; 9 out of 10 times, he’ll play it cool, sometimes the guy will even say they’re dating someone else too. After you get his reaction back, give him a relieved smile, take his arm, put it around you and snuggle up to him. I’ll wager $100 that he’s thinking about that other guys arm around you.

Men are naturally competitive, after I tell a guy that I’m seeing someone else besides him, his effort and attention paid to me increases exponentially. They can’t stand the thought of losing a girl to another guy (especially fun if you put a fresh bouquet of flowers on your table and you tell him they’re from “a friend” when he asks. Because then you’ll have 2 bouquets of flowers, or jewellery if you’re really lucky).

It boils down to this, although every guy I’ve ever dated has said “I don’t play games, I don’t like games” they All play games. Dating is a game; it’s relationships that are work. So I suggest always having fun with dating but remember that men do have feelings too (especially the overly emotional ones) so be nice.

When “playing crazy” on a date goes wrong…

I was on a date recently, and I will begin by saying there was nothing terribly wrong with this guy, but he was nowhere close to my type. This was a setup from a mutual friend, and although I generally don’t agree to setups, he sounded very promising.
About 20minutes into the date I could tell there wouldn’t be a second date. To avoid having to turn him down later, when he would inevitably phone for the second date, I decided to have some fun to make sure he wouldn’t want a second date with me.
I’m a very convincing person, it’s not by accident I received a 93% in Acting in grade 12. So I put on my serious face over the beautiful candlelit table, looked him right in the eye and asked “Are you worried about dying alone? I am. I mean not totally alone, I’ll have cats, but you know what I mean?” He told me he was sure I wont die alone (obviously I wont, he may though) and politely changed the topic.
He started telling me how he pays off his credit card statement in full every month because it’s very important. So I told him that I loooove to shop, uncontrollably, all the time. I told him I max out my credit cards but its ok, because they just keep increasing my limit. He asked if I was a “minimum payment” type. To which I answered “yes, well I certainly try, but I always seem to spend the money on alcohol before I can pay my Visa.” Then tilted my head to the left and smiled. He seemed a little confused and asked if I drank a lot; “oh, well, no, I wouldn’t say a lot, I mean I blackout a lot, but I only drink every weekend.”
God bless him, trying again to change the topic, he asked what my favorite car is. “I don’t like cars. I like shoes.” So he asked what my favorite shoe is. At this point I leaned in, with a very serious look on my face and whispered “I can’t tell you, because the other shoes will get jealous.” Then I flared my eyes.
Here’s where “playing crazy” goes wrong; he wasn’t running for the hills, in fact, he was having a good time. Dinner was over and I was trying to make my polite exit, he said he wanted to walk me home; I declined and said I was going to the drug store first. He asked if he could come with me… I told him no. So when I tried to say goodbye to him at the drug store, he told me he would wait outside for me until I finished shopping. This is where London Drugs failed me, because they had no other exit that I could use that wouldn’t set off the fire alarm. And so, indeed he was still waiting for me outside, and even though I told him several times that it was not necessary for him to walk me home, he did anyway. While walking he said “don’t you feel so much safer with me?” the answer was no, I felt safer with my personal alarm. But I told him “yes, because the attackers would go for you first, so I would have time to get away.” I got home, patted him on the shoulder and ran inside.
Not only did I get a text message that same night saying what wonderful company I was, and that he wanted to hang out again that weekend, but he also called me on Sunday evening.
Sometimes, despite one’s best efforts to sabotage a date; having to reject someone is inevitable.