I haven’t written in a year, so the obvious place to go for material was Bumble. For those of you that don’t know, Bumble is like Tinder for attractive people with careers, and the catch is that women have to say ‘hello’ first.
I’ll be honest, I have no interest in meeting anyone from the dating app, in fact, I’m pretty sure my mother had a long talk with me about not meeting people from the internet when I was 12. Something about stranger-danger/ they could be shorter in real life and that would be super awkward.
It’s not that I’m against dating apps, I just prefer to meet men the old fashioned way… drunk in a crowded bar.
Anyways, I went and trolled Bumble to see how many guys would answer me if I made a terrible first impression.
MICHAEL – Finance Guy
Info: Likes wine, is 6ft tall
Did he answer? He did! He said that unfortunately he can’t commit as long as whisky, rye and beer are in the picture. Someone who doesn’t want to commit on Bumble? Unheard of.
CHRISTOPHER – Advertising Guy
Info: 6ft tall, saves puppies, some random other stuff
Distance: 643 meters away
Did he answer? He did! He said, “Of course I was close, but a good stalker never reveals their secrets” So, he was blocked…
ADAM – No occupation
Info: Master of life, lover of sangria and fireplaces
Did he answer? He did not. So I will say that it was indeed an arsonist type of love and all for the better, this way my deductible stays low.
JOHN – Director
Info: Love staying active, wanderlust, cooking, food, bourbon, wine, beer
Did he answer? He did not. Which is all the same because he seemed far too happy with life for my liking.
JORGE – IT Guy
I won’t lie, I may have been drinking with this one.
Did he answer? He did! As shown above he went straight for my heart with tacos and coffee.
ZED – Finance Guy
Info: Swipe right for free puppy!
Did he answer? He did not! I think this may have been a scam…
JOHN – Consultant
Info: Likes puns
Did he answer? He did! He said he was both… so… if that’s your thing let me know.
NEIL – Finance Guy
Info: “Will make you laugh”
Did he answer? He did not. Typical Neil though, full of empty promises.
CAMERON – Pilot
No info, but had a photo of him and (not his) dog.
Did he answer? He did not. I bet he’s probably involved in the same puppy scam as Zed.
LIAM – Lawyer
No info, but I have a bit of a soft spot for lawyers.
Did he answer? As you can see we had a very fruitful exchange, although his advice makes me worry about his actual clients…
I let one of the guys in on my game, he said he answered me because I said something other than “Hi, how are you?” Then he sent me the screenshot below, and I can sleep happy knowing I will never be that girl.