Because what would I roll my eyes at if people didn’t use pet names in public?

There are a lot of things I consider cute, like kittens – actually that’s about it. Understandably not finding a lot of things as adorable as some people, I hate couples that use “cute” pet names in public – I feel like it would be less offensive if they just made out. Mostly I don’t know where people come up with the names, and why the other person lets it happen. I think I was most offended when my ex Adam addressed me as Kiddo and then on a separate occasion as Little Lady (this story was close to ending with “…and he was never seen again”). Being called kiddo especially bothered me because nothing says I respect you as an equal like using the same nickname reserved for parent/child relationships. Brent used to call me Rockstar which I actually didn’t mind, and it goes very well with what I call him now – Jackass.

But maybe this is where I’m going wrong in my relationships; maybe I’m just not letting the cuteness in. I decided to seek help from a website that has thoughtfully compiled loving pet name suggestions for that special person in your life. I now feel that I am set up for success and will be trying a few of these out on my next date. Below are my personal favorite choices from the list of what to call your guy;

Animal Cracker – excellent childhood associations, solid choice.
Butterball – ok, this could work in an ironic way… right?
Casanova – this one kind of screams “I think you’re a manwhore”, but whatevs.
Chef Of Love – …because he’s always cooking up something steamy.
Choo Choo – I would need a wooden train whistle for this one.
Diamond In The Rough – because underneath the ugly, he’s alright.
Huggy Bear – he was the missing Care Bear all along.
Lady Killer – this would only be cute in an alleged kind of way.
Ninja In Training – but how would I know when he’s a full ninja?
Old Faithful – this one may get confusing if there’s a dog in the room.
Wild Turkey – I think I might just be hungry at this point.
Wookie – this pet name would come with a gift certificate to the spa for back waxing.

You can see the full list of excellent suggestions here.

 

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