You’re not in a real relationship until 500 facebook friends can comment on what you two ate for breakfast…

The best thing that ever happened for single people on the internet was when facebook finally allowed you to filter whose updates you saw in your newsfeed. That was the day that I no longer had to deal with the constant steam of updates from the over sharing friends and acquaintances in relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure my constant ‘single girl’ updates of  “Hooray for vodka” & “I have no responsibilities and can stay out as late as I want, and do whatever I choose.” probably gets annoying for them too. (I don’t actually say that last one, but it’s usually implied)

My biggest issue is really only with the people in relationships that feel the need to broadcast their actual private lives on facebook. I’m talking about the couples that live together and yet constantly write how they feel on each other’s wall. Not to stereotype, but women are usually the worst for it. And it’s the same women everyday that write something along the lines of “I’m the luckiest girl in the world, I love you so much, I couldn‘t live without you” & “I can’t wait to see my baby when he gets home from work tonight”… has he even left for work, or is he still lying in bed beside you while you ignore him to update facebook instead? Call me crazy, but I feel like it might mean more and keep the intimacy with your significant other if you told them [face to face] how you feel instead of on facebook. (Side story: A girl on my facebook once wrote that thanks to her new boyfriend she “was living in a ferry tale”. Now, maybe I’m judging too quickly and she actually was dating some sort of pirate, but I’m pretty sure that‘s not what she meant.)

Anyway, these are also the same people whose photo album content usually goes something like; couple-photo, couple-photo, selfie-in-a-bathroom-mirror, couple-photo-kissing, duck-face-selfie, food-shot, food-shot/couple-photo.

And God help us all when the relationship comes to an end, because suddenly facebook has now been turned into free therapy while they solicit sympathy from anyone that will acknowledge their [not so] cryptic updates about how they’ll never love again.

Although I sometimes miss writing sarcastic comments on their status updates, I save about 7 eye rolls a day by not having to read them anymore. So a huge ’thank you’ Mark Zukerberg, I will consider this your Valentine to me as I celebrate another year with Jose Cuervo.

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